Religion of Car Bombings

No Contessa, the Times Square car bomber was not a frustrated Tea Party protester or one of those angry right wing extremists everyone in the Obama Administration and their media hanger-ons begin warning us about every time the Eared One encounters some political blowback from his latest misguided socialist venture. No he is that rarest of creatures, hardly ever seen in the wild anymore– a Muslim terrorist.

As we all know from hours and hours of consuming the scanned and zapped pablum shot across the antennas and cable lines connecting vapid media talking heads in their pressed suits with the hoi poloi– Muslim terrorism is a rare event that hardly ever happens which receives a disproportionate amount of attention based on all the times it does happen. This is a tragedy because it scapegoats an otherwise peaceloving religion that spread around the world through a massive program of conquest.

Of course there are the rights of the innocent to consider. No, not the innocent people who simply wanted to catch a production of the Lion King with their children, without being blown to bits by an angry Pakistani Muslim. They don’t matter anymore than the beheaded Buddhist schoolteachers, the murdered Kashmiri Indians, the incinerated Israelis, the raped Australians or any of the other unfortunate infidels to come in contact with the peaceloving missionaries of the Religion of Peace. The rights of the Muslims.

Mayor Michael Bloomberg, after speculating that the car bomber was probably someone disgruntled about ObamaCare (which is a reasonable speculation considering that there are more liberals in Alaska than there are Republicans in Manhattan), has announced that no backlash will be tolerated. Of course there was no actual backlash, but luckily Bloomberg rushed ahead of traffic (something that thanks to his new road redistributions very few drivers in Manhattan can do anymore) to announce that it won’t be tolerated anyway. Which is good, because no doubt the average Upper West Sider had been seconds away from picking up a very tasteful molotov cocktail from Bed, Bath and Beyond and going off to torch a mosque or two. Before being stopped by the Mayor’s timely warning.

But Bloomberg has been a tireless champion of pandering to Islamists. And like Contessa, he is extremely disappointed to discover that the terrorist is not one of those rabble who seem all fired up over compulsory health care (which he thinks is the best idea ever since letting billionaires buy their own elections). Not that mind you he has very much idea of what exactly they’re fired up about. It can be hard to stay in touch with current events and the views of the people for a hardworking public servant spending time on his own private island. Muslims however are a voting bloc. And Bloomy excels at pandering to voting blocs.

To fully gauge the difference between Giuliani and Bloomberg, when the former was in office he warned Muslims against targeting Jews, when the latter is in office he warns everyone to stay away from the poor oppressed Muslims. Who have absolutely nothing to do with the car bombs they try to detonate near theaters, or the petrol bombs they try to plant around synagogues or the assaults they carry out on subways.

Sadly the Times Square Car Bomber has become another of those inconvenient Muslims, the ones who give all the others a bad name. Of course the vast majority of Muslims are peaceloving. They don’t detonate car bombs. Some of them may contribute to “charities” such as the Holy Land Foundation which raise money for terrorists. And the political groups that represent them such as CAIR, seem to have their own ties to terrorists, and spend a lot of time worrying about those other peaceloving Muslims in Guantanamo Bay. But it wouldn’t be right to draw any conclusions from that.

It’s not as if you have to go more than 5 or 6 pages into the Koran to hear the Faithful being commanded to kill the unbelievers.

Jihad has been enjoined upon you even if it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. (Koran 2:216)

If you find this charming passage a bit too confusing, fear not, clarification awaits courtesy of the Tafsir al-Jalalayn, one of the two most popular exegeses on the Koran

Prescribed for you, obligatory [for you], is fighting, disbelievers, though it be hateful to you, by nature, because of the hardship involved. Yet it may happen that you hate a thing which is good for you; and it may happen that you love a thing which is bad for you: because the soul inclines towards those desires which result in its destruction and its rejection of the religious obligations that would bring about its happiness. Perhaps, then, even if you are averse to it, you will find much good in fighting, as a result of victory, booty, martyrdom or reward; while, if you were to reject fighting, even if you would like to do so, you will find much evil, because then you may be subjugated, impoverished and denied the reward; God knows, what is good for you, and you know, this, not, so strive in what He commands you.

It’s unknown if our Times Square Car Bomber was a bad Muslim who found Jihad hateful, or a good Muslim who relished it. Did he spring delightedly to his task or just sigh and say, “Allah Knows Best” and begin scanning the Used Cars section of Craigslist in the hopes that Allah would send some booty his way.

Perhaps the friendly interviews he is currently experiencing will shed some light on the subject. Until then the media will be happy to explain to us that his being a Muslim and a Car Bomber was one of those one in a million coincidences that happen now and then when the moon is shining and the clocks work and the hearts of young lovers are filled with terror because someone has been staying up late reading the Koran.

Yes he may be a Muslim and a car bomber, but who is to say that the two are connected. Aren’t there hundreds of car bombings daily by Buddhists, Jews, Christians, Hindus, Sikhs, Bahai, Mormons and the followers of the Flying Spaghetti Monster? You say there aren’t, but clearly you haven’t done the math. Think of all the car bombings that the media doesn’t report on because they’re being carried out by rich white males. Yes, now you’re getting it. Besides what about Iraq. And the American Empire. And the striking miners and Manhattan being bought for a mere 24 dollars. How can you possibly focus on such a trivial thing as car bombing, when there are so many more important things to be worried about. Like Bolivian coffee farmers not getting paid enough for coffee by Starbucks.

By the time the media is done, it will be explained comprehensively to us peasants that he was frustrated about losing his home to foreclosure. Granted no one else who loses their home to foreclosure seems to wait a year and then try to detonate a car bomb in Times Square. Also he was angry at Bush. Sure he actually went to be trained as a bomber while Obama was in office, but that’s one of those minor details that has nothing to do with what’s really important. That all this is our fault for not paying full price for the island of Manhattan and fighting back against Muslims when they try to kills us. Even if we go to great lengths to rebuild their lovely countries afterward. Just read Noam Chomsky, he’ll tell you all about it.

All these things can be explained given enough time. For example the Fort Hood shooter wasn’t an angry Muslim who wanted to kill infidel American soldiers. Perish the thought. He was suffering from PTSD. Even though he had never been in combat. But he picked up the PTSD from shaking hands with a veteran. Tragic that. Of course he naturally went on a killing spree, but since then everything has been fine. At least until the next killing spree happens.

The moral of the story is that we can’t get too worked up about these things. Living in a modern globalist society that buys underpriced coffee from Bolivian farmers has consequences you know. It’s time to move on now. Muslims tried to blow me up once and I never looked back. Terrorists will occasionally try to kill us. Some of whom will by random chance be Muslims. And isn’t it only fair that they should have their turn? You can’t argue with that, unless you’re some kind of Islamophobe or something.

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